Is today the day?

Some days I wake up petrified of what the day may bring. This isn’t something that I’ve shared but felt like I needed to get it off of my chest.

This doesn’t happen every day, but every now and then I have days beginning with thoughts of dread. In the first few moments after I open my eyes, I think ‘is today one of those days?’ or ‘is today THE day?’.

What am I talking about?

Well in previous journal entries I’ve spoken about the bodily pains I deal with on a daily basis and I’ve also mentioned the leg numbness at some point. Lately, the bodily pains are minimal compared to what they once were. I’ve been keeping up with doctor’s appointments and been doing what I need to do to help myself. However the leg numbness has accelerated, it happens a lot more often now. Whereas in the past would get the numbness when sitting, I now get numb when in motion, so walking around the grocery store or after sitting on the loo for a min or 2. 😉

We don’t quite know what is causing it yet. I’ve been told to keep an eye on it… if both legs go numb and I lose control of my bowls then I should go straight to the hospital, that’s what I’ve been told.

So some mornings I wake up with numbness and think ‘is this the day?’ but then I give myself a minute, breathe, sit up slowly, and rub my legs until the feeling comes back. I used to hide my pain and keep quiet about my fears, this is a habit I’m trying to get out of. Hiding my fears doesn’t help anyone, especially me.

Although I may wake up petrified, I will continue to take my time and carry on. Living each day intentionally with positive thoughts whilst continuing to do what I need to, to be ok.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this truth in the pages of my journal.

Signing off for now, until next time sweet cheeks! x