Acknowledging that I need help

So I’m currently sitting in the car. Left 40 minutes early to get to the station, not really sure why. Just felt like I needed to get out of the house.

The last couple of weeks I haven’t actually been feeling that great and haven’t really been eating. I feel overly disappointed in myself because I am not working constructively through what I need to. I know that sounds vague but that’s the truth. Though I am positive minded that doesn’t mean that I don’t still have a lot to work through and have demons to conquer, it is true when they say sometimes you are your own worst enemy and get in your own way.

When it’s internal and you’re fighting your own thoughts and emotions it’s hard not to shut it off and say I’ll deal with my emotions another day. I have been through a lot in my little 27 years of life, and have not fully processed my feelings around the not so good moments. Someone told me the other day that I need to sort my shit out and they weren’t wrong. I am balance 95% of my days but the other 5% can be a total shit show… I’m not a loose cannon and I’m not hung up on the past. There are just certain habits and feelings towards my self that I’m struggling to let go of. Writing on this blog does help but I think it might also be time to consult a professional, I’m not mentally unstable but I am holding on to negative unprocessed feelings that will hurt the people closest to me sooner or later.

I deserve the fairytale in every aspect of my life. For that to happen I have to let go of the negativity I’ve been parking at the back of my mind that’s been waiting for the tomorrow that would never come for me to deal with them. To be happy you have to be fully present, most of the time I am fully present but from time to time I do drift off into a cloudy headspace and miss the good things. I don’t want to miss many more little moments… they’re the most precious ones. So I’ve been honest with myself and now with you about how I’m feeling, I try my very best not to hold back any emotions on this blog. What I have to say may help you, may confuse you or make you laugh but either way I’ve learned that raw honesty is the only way you can move forward.

Anyway I’m signing off for now. Until next time sweet cheeks x